Living With the “C” Word

“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.”

― Jim Morrison

Oh my friends, what a week I have had. I am full of so many emotions today that I can barely breathe.

I am full of JOY.

I am full of LOVE.

I am full of FEAR.

I am of SADNESS.

I am full FAITH.

I am full of PEACE.

I am full of HOPE.

My head is still swirling from the past week events. I still wake up each morning thinking that this is all a dream. CANCER has always been that little grey cloud in my family that other family members and friends sadly got. I can only imagine what my Dad up in Heaven is saying about this one right now. He is shaking his head in disbelieve for sure and likely cracking some silly joke…that’s my dad! *grin* The hardest part of this week was telling my husband and my kiddos. I still get tears in my eyes even thinking about it. As a Mom you want to protect them no matter what, and last week, I broke their hearts. well, actually Cancer broke their hearts. It is ok though because I will mend them! Because that is what a Mum does, right!?

As the week went on I received so many amazing texts. messages and emails from people. People offering prayers and beautiful  thoughts. People lifting me up with fasting and prayer. I cant tell you how full my heart felt as I felt your sweet prayers. Thank-you SO much! Prayer is such an amazing blessing! it really is so healing. I have done it for others but I have never wanted to ask people to do it for me. So last week and even still today as I have been so blessed to have people pray and fast for me I can tell you how full of love and peace it has made me feel. I can not thank you enough!

I also got in touch with my missionary’s mission president and I was able to Skype Kurt to talk to him. It was so bittersweet. It was wonderful to see him for the first time in a year and a half but so hard to tell him my news especially when he is on the other side of the globe. My kiddos are so awesome, that is all I can say!

 

“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.”

― Corrie ten Boom

I think the fear of the unknown is what is so scary. Especially when the doctor can’t tell me to much until I have my surgery. All he can say is he is surprised and that someone my age and sex really typical shouldn't get this. Also that he is quite sure where it is all at. But I guess we will find that out soon enough. That and Google. Google is SO bad! When you cant sleep at night, do not look on Google! Oh my Heavens!

I was just sitting trying to do some designing down and was listening to some Christmas Carols and the tears started rolling down my face. I haven't cried all week, but I have cried today. I am fine now. I did find out on Saturday that I have to be careful grocery shopping if I feel a little blue because I ended up buying food that I normally don't buy. I kept seeing food that I have never eaten and thought to myself what is I never get to eat that. Silly I know, cause I will likely live to 120!  I got home and Marcus just looked at me like I am crazy as I presented him with a jar of Marmite, an elephant garlic and three different boxes of mac & cheese. (I don’t like any of those things!) Haha! 

So, now I am going to relax. Enjoy making Christmas Cookies with my girls. Enjoy Christmas Traditions. Enjoy the Christmas Love Campaign. Enjoy Life.

I am SO grateful for all my blessings. This really is an AWESOME  world! Just have to slow down and enjoy each and every moment!

Thank-you for being you and for being such amazing friends!

hugs,

Susan xo

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