I have been SOOOO bad at blogging the last little bit. I have to admit it is because this new journey that I started after I was diagnosed with Cancer in December has been one of the most challenging things that I have ever done. It is not only physically challenging, but it is mentally and emotionally challenging too. I had my first surgery on January the sixth. And to be honest with you the day after the surgery I felt AWESOME! So awesome in fact that I was looking for flights to go Anaheim for CHA! Yes, I must has lost my mind for a bit there. I did a lot around the house and studio and I felt SO guilty that friends and members of our church were dropping off meals for us. After all, I thought I felt perfect. Well, about seventy –two hours later ‘it’ hit me. Not only did my body hurt from surgery, but I was hit with a horrible flu and a really bad infection from the surgery its self which is never fun. Well, that forced me to be good whether I wanted to or not. I went through 4 rounds of antibiotics and likely should have been in the hospital but when I am sick I am really good at convincing my poor hubbie, Marcus, that I shouldn't be in the hospital at all. So I laid in my bed for quite a while as more poor qirlies played movies for their mom to watch. Yup, I watched a LOT of Sponge Bob, and really, it didn’t matter. Being fevered I had some strange dreams and thoughts. Life looks quite different when you are laying on your bed and you are feeling so achy and hot with fever and the doctors words , “cancer…. blah, blah, blah….for the rest of your life…. CANCER….. icky tests….blah,blah,BLAH”, are swirling around in your poor head! I like to think that I am a positive person, but Oh My Goodness, when you are feeling SO horrible and it is 3 o’clock in the morning, you cant sleep, the house is quiet as you are sitting is the washroom trying to keep down the only thing that you have eaten all day; one cracker, and the tears are silently falling down my cheeks…. it can be SO hard to be POSITIVE! I would say a little prayer and would start to quietly, or so quietly, sing I Am A Child of God to myself, just to make myself smile and to give myself a little inner strength.
BUT, you know what, I have been SO Blessed! Every time I thought I couldn't go any further. I mean really, I am just one rather short Ukrainian girl, how much does Heavenly Father expect me to take on in one life time!? Well, apparently, HE knows me better then I know me and oh boy, am I grateful for that!
When the specialist called me and told me that I had Cancer, I felt like I had been literally punched in the stomach and I couldn't breathe. I didn’t know what to say. So, I joked with him, telling him that he could have just sent me a Christmas Card instead. The weeks that followed… I don't know how many times I wished I could talk to my parents and tell them or just hug them. But, I couldn’t. They are gone from this world. And really I am glad that aren't here for this because it would have been so hard on them. One of the hardest things about this whole event is having to tell my children and my family. I never ever wanted to hurt them, and you know what, in the past Cancer has hurt them. They lost grandparents and family to Cancer. So, yes, they are scared and that breaks my heart because no mom wants to cause hurt or pain to their children, do they?
But, like I mentioned I feel SO blessed. Every time I have felt alone, hurt, sad, or just can’t get of the silly couch…. my IPhone goes *DING* and guess what, its a message, comment, or email from you!!!! Or my doorbell goes *DING-DONG* and it the mailman dropping off a beautiful letter, card , handmade gift or package. Amazing people from all over the globe. People I know & people I don't know. I cant tell you the times that I have been on my knees and thanked Heavenly Father for your kindness, your amazing BIG hearts to think of this little Ukrainian Girl living on the Alberta Prairies. Your thoughtful has been SO healing and helpful not only for me, but for my family that sees your amazing thoughtfulness. I can’t ever thank-you enough. Please just know that you are always in our prayers and your artworks and crafts are forever in our home!So, for now, my life will just revolve around doctors I guess. I am still on antibiotics and I am scheduled for more tests next week for my liver, pancreas and all those lovelies. Right after that we just go right into the procedures that I have to have every three months for the rest of my life, you know scopes, biopsies, and medicines that make you feel really icky and make you feel like you are a lab experiment.
Ahhh….. it is all good. It could be worse. Mind you some days I feel like I am turning into a purple dinosaur or like I could grow an extra head leg or eyeball! The kiddos might think that is cool! *grin*
I am alive. A little slower. But, I am alive. Every single day is a blessing! No matter how I look at it I am BLESSED!
Enjoy life! Enjoy every single minute of it. If it is sunny; smile. If it is rainy, and the rain drops are falling put on your rain boots and dance outside in a puddle. If the skies are grey, take out your paint brushes and paint your self a giant rainbow! It doesn't matter if you can can run, crawl or just lay still on days during this journey because all it takes is a smile, a hug, or shooting star to make you realize how important you are and how precious life is. There is beauty all around us in everything from the smallest detail of leaf to the finest colours of morning sunrise. Beauty...life is everywhere. Just take a moment to slow down, breathe, and enjoy every single moment of your journey. Your really deserve it!
Yesterday my hubbie and I celebrated our 25 anniversary! Holy Crow! I know I cant believe because I really can’t be old enough for this to be happening but everyone keeps telling me that I am. What do they know!?! huh! You know what I have realized? It really, REALLY is important to LOVE everything about your spouse and IGNORE everything that you don't love! If he does something you cant stand…just ignore it because LIFE IS TOO SHORT! Boy, I have sure learnt that one. But, it took me almost 25 years to learn it! haha!
So I made a Ukrainian Chocolate Cake for my hubbie on our anniversary.
A lot of people asked for the recipe. My mom used to make this cake for us for birthdays. This cook book has been in our family for awhile. The funny thing is that my Baba used to make the cake and then my mom found a cookbook in 1980 that actually had the recipe in it.
So here you go. Enjoy!
Have a SUPER AWESOME Day!
Make sure you take a moment and o something to make yourself smile because you are SO worth it!