Thursday, April 28, 2016

Flowers Make Everything Better

The doorbell rang. A delivery man handed me a brown wrapped bundle of flowers. I opened it up and was greeted by a colourful display of beautiful flowers. It was the note that grabbed my attention: ' Cheer up Hobbes'. I just smiled. Hadn't I been cheery on the phone everytime Marcus called home this week? I know that I sure tried. Even on Tuesday, after my doctors appointment when I had got a bit of not so good I information, I had told Marcus the news light heartedly even almost with a laugh in my voice. I actually feel almost detached from any personal health information that comes to me lately. I take it in and them I do what I am supposed to do. It is almost as sometimes I am looking at my body from the outside. I think that is how I cope. However, sometimes..... I don't even know how to talk about it, or it takes a few days for me to take it in and figure things out. I am thinking Marcus thinks I should be sad...but I am not; I am really not anything right now. Hmmm.....I think that is alright right now. I still laugh, smile, cry. I still create art. Make supper. Sing songs. Act silly. I am still me.
This week, I had to go in for a doctors appointment to get prescriptions and make sure everything was all right before I start a month of tests, MRI's, CAT scans, blah blah blah.....Then a topic was brought up that I had been shying away from....lumps and bumps. Ya, no one likes them, especially if you already have Cancer. So, after a bit of poking and prodding it was confirmed that I have not good lumps in my throat & my ankle. The length of my test list has now expanded and I will be going in to get a lovely tube put down my throat for biopsies. Kinda far from my bladder, but ok...I guess. I have been going in every six to twelve weeks for the last year for treatments. I think I feel bad because I know how this weighs heavy on my family. Poor Marcus is now on the road all the time as a Provicial Fire inspector; I know that he feels bad that he can't be here with me. I tell him it's fine. Mind you...some times I really do wish I had family around me. I even wish my mom & dad were around cheering me on. Mind you, I am so glad they didn't live to see would have hurt them so bad. Small blessings. I think that really gets me are the dear friends that I know around me that all of a sudden that are fighting for their lifes because of Cancer. It strikes such a cord of sadness in my heart. I truly feel for each of them and I wish I could take anyway everything that they are feeling and are going through. It really is so important to reach out to these amazing people!  Not having many people left at home can be hard some times. Loneliness can be bad if you have an active imagination! Haha! But, I am SO grateful for my job and creating ART! It keeps me sane and helps me feel alive!! I loose myself in ART and creating!!! I am grateful for my creative friends! You are amazing & I am so grateful for all of you and your wonderful support. Thank-you!
Life is such an adventure! I know that this is just a bump in the road for me. But, I am so grateful for the beautiful blessings that that I see each day! We really have to enjoy each and every moment...the good and the not so good.
Susan xo