These words have gone over and over in my head constantly for the last four and a half years as I drove back and forth to doctor appointments, procedures, tests, you name. This last year was particularly hard on me and my wonderful family. I remember last summer coming home from a family reunion which had been trying because we, being the late one to the camp ground, we got the site right beside the outhouses. My sense of smell had become so heighten with all the treatments so I felt so sick the whole time, but I made the best of it. I remember getting home and being so happy to see my own bathroom but as I started to brush my teeth I felt like I was living a nightmare because they started to drop into the sink. Ya, did you ever have one of those nightmares as a kiddo where all your teeth start dropping out... this wasn't a nightmare, it was the beginning of a very long year of putting Humpty Dumpty back together again. A very painful year at that. I went through many surgeries but because of the discomfort that my body was already going through with the bladder cancer, kidney stones, gall stones, and Crohns , I opted to be put asleep with every surgery. I just couldn't, no....my body couldn't face any more pain. kinda strange. I survived. I'm not quite done. but, I have to say..... Art, Creativity, my Creative Friends, and my deep and STRONG FAITH keep me going. i still have a lot of healing but it feels so good to start feeling stronger and like myself again.
I hit a point that really scared me.
I WANTED to LIVE.......
But,
I WAS AFRAID TO LIVE!
So I met with a really cool doctor who is also a guru and he has helped me and is helping me see that it is ok to live. To enjoy every moment...even if those moments aren't so good sometimes. Its ok to be afraid, or happy, sad ,or even mad sometimes. My family has really helped to....especially now that I have opened up to them and let them know how i really feel or am feeling. That was so hard at first, but all so liberating for everyone!
Those smiles and that love from my family.
They just give me warm fuzzies!
And Happy Music!
And Good Food!
And of course the silliness that i really thrive on!
...and thanks to wonderful friends! I love you all so much. I just just got this beautiful card from Carol. i love her artwork and popsicles!!!!
I am a SURVIVOR!!!
And this is just the beginning of me embracing my life again. I have been told that i will never be in remission...but WHO CARES!?!! The sun is shining! There are rainbows to be found.
We got this! Right!?!
Come and join me, my Creative Adventurers!
Luv ya Lots!
BIG{hugs},
Susan xo